Friday, January 13, 2012

Looking back at 2011... Sort of....

Let's face it, I'm a terrible blogger. I would like to point out, however, that I am an avid journal writer. Most of the stuff I write in there is for me to read. The only time I want someone else to read it is when I'm dead. ;) So now its officially 2012. So perhaps a recap of 2011? Hmmm... yeah not really in the mood. Instead I think I'll talk about a random discovery I made.

My little brother of a little more than 19 years and one of my very best friends will be gone for two years. Is it terrible for me to imagine a ticking time-bomb clicking ominously whenever I think about him leaving? Be rest assured that I do not see him leaving as some terrible thing. He is going on a mission to serve the Lord. What an amazing experience for my bestest buddy?

I still can't help but hear the ticking, however.

You see, he curved a loneliness that had become more pronounced as I moved into my college years. College began, friends fell away (either because of moving, missions for most of the boys, marriage, or other means of just finding their own paths), my dad began working nights, my mom is always so busy, my sisters are busy. I don't know. Things were just lonely, which is a good thing in many ways one of them being that I learned how to stand on my own. Be my own person. And through it all Jacob has been there. Even though we have both been busy with various things we always had time for each other and it helped me to not feel so very alone.

I have a very loving Father in Heaven who knew that this was coming. He knew that I would be losing my best friend and that it would be extremely hard for me to just lose him suddenly. He has sent me tender mercies such as having us work different shifts during the day so that we didn't see each other much of the day, keeping us both busy with our own lives, and keeping him very preoccupied with a certain girl who is A.T.S. All of which have made it so that, though our relationship is as strong as ever, we have both had to learn to stand alone.

I have to wonder though. Who will be there to be my friend when he is gone? He still is the one who I spend time with when I have it. There are no boys... my girlfriends are so busy.... my family is busy. So what is to be done?

I suppose I will learn to stand even more on my own.

It will be a good thing though. Learning to be my own person can only bring me happiness and strength and it truly will be a good experience. He'll learn and grow and so will I. Perhaps that is the scariest part.. This part of my life is coming to a close. That of being kids under the same roof. Yeah, we've both been considered adults for a while but neither of us have moved out. For the time being we are all under one roof but this year is going to bring about a lot of change. There is no going back. There are wonderful things on the horizon, but I guess I am having a hard time turning my back on the things I am leaving behind. However, I intend to thrive and enjoy every single sunrise!